The Right Question

When will we know the consequences
of how we live and see?
The most important question is:
Who are we?

When blindness to all suffering ends
and no longer can we flee
we have to ask the question:
Who are we?

Stream of Consciousness

I am the first born
my errors fester with scorn-
never feel the calm before the storm
cuz I'm always beat, ripped and torn.

Eldest child of three
never dealt without Ecstasy
There's joy through grace
unless you're dragging this out for your next chance to get faced!

Oh the nights so short
to short to tell you my mind.
I have to warn you before
you believe all the shit that you'll find.

So I take my medicine-
love doesn't exist without
a way to unwind.

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I bring the corpses to the table
open the closets to truth
there's so much more to revolution
and the pressures of youth.

And she says I'm not mature
for only wanting to soothe
I bring out the corpses from the closet, baby,
this flow is what I choose.

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I'll be your sweet and sour
if you'll be mine every hour.
A gentleman in the streets
but I'm a freak in those sheets.
I'll buy you flowers corresponding
to the days of the week.

Nothing's too insane
it's all a game in the brain-
and logically, reality dictates
the deeply mundane.

Living's not about adventure
and dying is the end.
I've plodded through a dying life
for a lover and friend.
By that I mean someone I can talk to
have passion for that doesn't end.

I'm reusing my rhymes
to illustrate the same message:
I want to fuck, love and chill
and with one other guessing-

about the crazy world we live in
and our thoughts every day
proving each our own uniqueness
in so many different ways.

I live to the hardcore
and I like how it feels-
any other way is to timid
this is my life to the limit.

The Appy Groove

Somewhere beyond the rainbows
somewhere that no one's seen-
I know the empty diatribe
about how somewhere's just a dream-

but oh alas my somewhere's not
I've gone and gone so many times-
and seen the girl with darkened curls
and the bow headed service queen.

I have seen the spinning blades
that trim the whitened cream
and I have cut the roasted ham
to eliminate all the green.

Oh the Ogre hates when I sing
but beneath her rage is so much pain
and so I sing and work for her
and the sun comes out in the rain.

The Colonel comes from 3 - 9
damn chicken! Choose first the Wonderbar
He loves with the conviction of a regal king
and somehow, here, a fallen star.

The bald, diabetic, tells jokes and sings
"oo lala lady gaga!"
and lettuce falls on bread on wings
by the lady who laughs like Zaza.

and to falling:
There's blonde in those baby blues
they're calling
to the bread man to choose.

and fish swim by the unmistakable voice
that chops them down to size
Her lab coat flowing, she's specific
without having to generalize.

And Danny Devito will grant you bills
or rather give them to his wenches
She somehow knows I'll get Mac-and-Cheese
perhaps I'm too predictable and need to come to my senses.

Then there's the night girl
who still has pink in her hair,
chatting with the trimmed beard man
and he stares and he stares and he stares.

The smiles around me in our fortress, protected,
and separated from the outside world by meat-
out there is madness and needs to be corrected
but in here, the days are petite.

An hour goes like a minute for us
and we enjoy the time we have
while others outside are in a rush
we can't go anywhere-
they got us by the gonads.

Becoming Human

I can see the fields of flesh burning
Their young ones awaken to ancient cries-
and they, entombed, in their personal cages yearning
to take every one of their captor's lives.

I'm going my dear and you can't come.
If you don't know where, it's just as well-
Life has beaten me so I run-
though festering behind me is hell.

My mind is lazy, beaten and malevolent
Hell has got me on the run-
Too far from grace has this soul fallen
and I, like them, hate everyone.

Inward Insurection

What happens when you don't have
these good looks anymore?
What happens when you have to think
about others a little more?

You chore, you bore,
you beautiful stallion whore.
you think you know the world
but you haven't the faintest idea the score.

You don't even know the first note
yet you think you're smarter than before
you should go to therapy
because you're not the same as all of us.

Passing Through Misconception

The lightening comes amidst the rain
thoughts for tomorrow but today is pain
and as the last thought comes,
apathy ignites when all's the same.

Blind is the emergence into reality
once your comfortable, you still can't see
emblazon yourself into the higher mentality
or suffer the monotonousness of absolute apathy.

And some day you'll realize your anonymity
some day you'll wake up and see it's all a fallacy.

A brief thought

I reach out to my minstrels, reach out to the chorus/ I've rode so many lies and seen so many die before us/ but I believe in the ideal/ try to seek out what is real/ understand a master plan/ and I see no benevolent band/ even with the fear I see in so many eyes/ I've never truly awoken from the pains that mesmerize/ and feed us to the devil at the end of our lives/ because we're too short sighted and afraid to die. I don't really know a thing I'm just trying to survive/ I want to find a reason for me to stay alive.

Wet November.

Today I watched the rain
what a dance and a tryst and mist-
rising from the ground to cloud my brain
lost in the rain.

Topped with torment of a love lost life
I can struggle, I can wiggle
in this rain this strife.
Live in the light or die by the knife.

Hidden below the surface of my virulent brain-
I hate the rain.

From the heart

I held you, I hugged you-
You cried in my arms.
I told you I'd love you
and protect you from harm.

for all the world to hear
I'll say it right here
You're the most beautiful girl
I've seen in 24 years.

I mean all I say and if you'll have me
I'll love you forever
I'll like you for always
as long as I'm living,
My beautiful girl, you'll be.

Tomorrow Comes Today

I sit, depressed, in the darkened room
Swoon
Depression's daft drama changes the pace
I race
towards my bed where I can finally lay my head
I said,
"goodnight world, goodnight peace,
my dreams are coming soon like turmoil in the Mid-East."

I will wake to tomorrow's tomorrow
and on that day I'll end my sorrow
it's coming soon so depressed in this darkened room
I still swoon.

Waking to the new days dawn
the day that will seem like tomorrow,
I hold onto a vision, the only one-
Good morning world, what a beautiful sun.

Too much heart

There's no one I can run to
there's nowhere to hide
from the feelings that come with darkness
the ones that eat you from the inside.

love immortal's fake
and there's no love at first sight
I know so much of this
when I go to sleep at night.

The fire in my soul
is dwindling with the hour
and the tears come resurrected
from so much sweet and sour.

I lie alone again
and pray for a loving friend
to stroke the back of my head
and tell me we have no end-
though truth sets in to tell me
I have nothing I can send
to the lover of my dreams
my immortal loving friend.

Where do I go to tell this fateful joker
I want to get off that this is the end?

Apathetic remorse

So quick was the moment
in which I fell for you
and then we were finished
like a spell of broken voodoo.

The weeks I had counted
are done and newly free
and now forever was without you
like looking out on the sea-
As I sit here alone and die separately.

A moment of truth

The last loss of luxury
is always the worst of all
Thinking you have everything
then plummeting with the divine fall.

One day you'll awake
and see the gifts on you've wrought
Those things you thought were so important
Can, by anybody, be bought
but the best things in life are born from a thought.

Angel in the Thick.

Through the trees and shrubbery
of life's consistent obstacles
I forged a path of destiny
and made my way to a clearing.

There amongst the toadstools stood
my angel in the razor-vine wood.
As if to get here I must bleed
rewarded with this different breed.

She toys with charms
and charms with smiles
so winning my heart
through passion's denial-
and I could love her through innocence trials.

Though she has wings to fly away
she holds my heart: decides to stay
and I am swift and strong but I
don't know how long I can sing the angel's lullaby.

For if she wakes and sees me true
I hope she'll still say, "I adore you."
and lay in this meadow
where there's no way out for me
It takes so long
but if we're lucky
there are angels we get to see.

I'm not a religious man
but feelings like these
must come from divinity.

The Distance

I looked in your eyes
and saw what I want
that wandering vision
from so far away.

The sweetness grows weary
the love soon subsides
but something lays hidden
in those vagabond eyes.

I hope that you care
and feel my heart beating-
from so far away
I hope your desires aren't fleeting-

but I'll wake to this nightmare
where you aren't there.

A reason to be aloof

And when you least expect it
it creeps up from behind
like an uninvited house guest
love: genuine-
and leaves you like a ratty rag
when you feel divine.

Ya...

Oh lovely,
lonely,
damnable disease.
I've gotten to know
these walls after days.

Not with a color
but a bitter-clear haze-
I think I'll need a mallet
to fall back to sleep
like an insomniac plague-

and yet I'll keep fighting
when my brain's wasted away.

you know...

Spitting, free rhyming/ I'm fucking timing attacks/ guess who's timing just the right time to come back? I'm drunk as hell riding up inside the rhythm what's up/ Just one more reason for the kid to get fucked up.

I got the girl who's straight fine/ I do the grind into her horizontal blind/ like the roots said, "I push my seed in her bush for life." It ain't no rock and roll though/ don't get it twisted/ so evil and vicious I use Patron on my mistress/ and I'll be holding the still-born like a ham at Christmas. Been to hell and I didn't take a step off earth/ I took the Ferry to Brooklyn to see young bloods battle for turf/ I'm the watcher recording evil so I'm ready to give it/ you can't believe the shit I've seen you just got to sit back and live it/ and hope there's a benevolent god and that his shit is forgiving.

Commitment to Destruction

You
Sheep of the world
not following a Sheppard
but wandering
alone.

Why do your feelings lie
in disconnection?
True apathy is a skill
it takes commitment
ironically...

Bedroom Eyes

Girl you've got those bedroom eyes
that speak in mystery and I-
wish I were with you that I might see
those bedroom eyes staring right through me.

Those curious eyes that want something
and I wish I knew just what to bring
because for you I'd take on god
but bedroom eyes are tired so I nod-

off to sleep to see you in forever
maybe some day I'll have them or maybe never.

A silent prayer

So here I am at the edge of the sand
staring off into the ocean of blue
hoping some day I'll come home to you.

I've crossed oceans and searched the world
for a bed to lay my head on
and waking and sleeping, waking and sleeping
praying your with me at dawn.

Stream of conciousness

I feel this hot disaster
These reckless thoughts within
my mind

Teaming with swollen bastards
I feel the truth is harder
to find

Death eats me with a spoon
and circles circle around
the moon

I finish my cup of tea and
spin and spin in drunk reality

I swoon from endless nightmares
it seems my mind is gone.
Peace is this chaos brewing
forever laughing at what's wrong

In truth I'm filled with goodness
and once in a while I let this out
the chaos in my mind
from bottling
bottling
chaotic time!

Sing songs of lost renewal
and find the devil of your own
one day you'll wake to darkness
realizing you die before his throne.

Contempt we hold for eachother
each one of us dies
ALONE!

Growing up

A silent cold rushes over my skin
clammy in midsummer-
I feel the tears and all the pain
but wreak to hell of the distant dead.

Where am i now but stranded and alone-
doubted by my heart and viciously re-born by my kin.
I know little about the road ahead
and visions and fear over take my eyes-

so much so i feel farsighted and dead-
like a corpse looking up from its unholy bed.

I know what i want and cannot achieve it
so alone i am because i sever my ties.
Either I'll grow stronger and learn to live on pittens
or i'll be happy i made the attempt
and unobtrusively die.

night thoughts

Like a fire in the rain
doused and doused
but burning all the same.

crawling up the path, though slow,
waiting for your courage to go
waiting for your apathy, your tomb,
for your dreams to pass you as you burn in your room.

I see it vividly like a great white specter
consuming not only bodies but souls like Hannibal Lechter.
Oh god if it's a dream wake up!
I see them come for me made of dark stuff.

And stuff is all it is as it drips
the stench of 3,000 year old evil
brought on by insanity from an unstretchable itch.

Dear God, these visions are too much to bear
my soul stands alone and there's nowhere to hide
this delicate balance of a calming second soul
is gone with the wreck-loose, long lost memory of old

and though I tell myself not to think on undeserving hos
I scream and scream at night because I am alone.

Lonely Road

Here I am again at the beginning of the road
Looking to my future with ambitions, unknown.
Drearily the wind blows and pushes me forward still
And yet it brings me nowhere but the bottom of the next hill.

And as I look around I see the hills and grasses green
I look towards the horizon and finally know what it means
I gain so much and yet I feel this emptiness inside
I feel I may have been born incomplete or maybe I died.

What proof do I have that I'm alive?
Except that there's others like me.
What exists that I have yet to grasp
Please end this eternity.

I walk towards danger and yet I have no fear
Because I don't know at all, what i'm doing here.

Lonely Togetherness

If I could build my love for you
I'd fill a gorge with snow.
So no one else would bother us
And no one would ever go
To an igloo that I'd build for us
To discuss the world in our world of snow
And no one else would have to know
That what we had was real
That we were connected through convictions we feel
And no one else would have to know
That we lived and thought freely,
In our focused world of snow.

Twisted fate

This is actually meant to be sang as a blues song in traditional form...


I saw her coming 'round the bend
She seemed like quite a sight
Her calves a strong as ox's
She'd do well in a fight

But she seemed so pretty mellow
I had to have a shot
I took it, went to speak to her,
And she said dude, piss off.

I can't understand why it was you
I can't understand why it was you
I walked into a trap and found my baby loved me too
But I can't understand why it was you.

She smiled just so perfectly
Her teeth a shiny row
Her fingernails were bitten down
And she killed me with those toes.

Our sex was fucking world war one
And still nobody knows
I can't understand why it was you.

I can't understand why it was you
I can't understand why it was you.
You make a feller turn old yeller
I just can't understand how it was you.

She was my baby
Loved her so much
Filled me up with roomy thoughts
And left me in the dust

But I'd tell her if I saw her that it was meant to be
She'd ask me how I know these things and why doesn't she?
I'd tell her darlin' listen and I'll tell you the whole truth:
I can't understand but it was you.

I can't understand why it was you.
I can't understand why it was you.
I lost my other half and didn't know till it was through
I can't understand but it was you.

Envy

I wander off into the night
Myself is all I blame
That living seems a dullish sight
And death seems all the same.

I can not close my eyes and yet
When I do I see my living
Becoming something different
And the subconscious is unforgiving.

If only I could feel my heart
Begin to beat again
Then I would make its rejuvenator
My lover and my friend.

Until then I will rest tonight
And bid you all adieu
For I can only feel your happiness
And hate each and every one of you.

Fucking Crazy

All the hunters are the same
I know their vicious nightmare game-
true sex I sought no more I asked
and drank the poison: again at last.

She wants the villain to take her again
but she has joy and life and pain.
her actions weren't what she said
dear god I want the pain instead.

anything but this empty chest
I pine for meaning and often get less-
even in a loveless fuck I have to be compelled
I'd rather be a praying harpy than live this tasteless hell.

these walls they seem so tight right now
they bear the witness of my sin
and I the great performer bow
I've been judged and karma wins.

such drama in such simple sex
her actions weren't what she said
such things as fucking should not vex
I think I'll take my loneliness instead.

Dear Darkness

Be still you wrestless demon night
and bend towards my simple plight-
just let me sleep with sweet dreams tonight-
be still my mind from Wrong or right.

May my dreams be tender and i wake to the sun-
Keep worry from me let me never run-
unless it makes me happy to;
give me my hay day and perfect youth.
And i in turn will speak the truth
and help you with others who don't know the kissing booth.

Vivid Lament

I the writer am determined to die young
cascaded by darkness i've never seen the sun
and in my own world my thoughts resound
to see these visions of a world with no sound.

I grieve for you and picture your plight-
in darkness and sleep and wander this night.
Though i awaken something always feels wrong-
death is but an instance in this my long song-
I pray they remember me fondly after i'm gone.

Rapping about what I know

I don't even think it's cuz I'm so deranged/ sometimes a swingin' dick just craves that kinky strange/ even free roaming girls like home on the range/ I'll still fuck that bitch like violence and mile high clubbers on a plane.
I'm doodle Dailan, I'll come and write words on her chest/ fucking is my business don't give a shit if your man's impressed. I'll get at her in jeans or if she's wearin' a dress/ no need for gigolos ladies, this dick is discount like Payless.
Dr. D's got the cure if she's up for the rail/ I'll hit that shit raw dawg, bust a nut and bail. I was only born a nympho, sex drives run in my blood/ I got the candy for the pussy and I'm giving it drugs.
My mind is one and devoted/ private sex toys de-moted/ she's better in the stories, too bad they're falsely promoted. I'll go from point A to point B and not know the in between/ I'm a record on repeat and I'm spitting the dank obscene.
I wrote the book on one night shows/ I'm auto D and I'm always ready to go.

BITCH! What?!?

freestyling

Lithium barbie dolls, users unite
took a barbiturate bath and bathe in delight
I know the rollers and the tockers and the brokers of drugs
I'll take the corner paying nothing then get tight, warm and snug
Those who keep the peace are there when it comes time to break the rules
I'll get a Quap of brick and sell it to the bitches and their tools
I'm hot fire Dylan you know the rules of the game,
make my pipe smoke heartily and I'll make your pipe smoke the same
I'm hard rain, corroding surfaces deep into the earth
Make you feel like a frost and your mama regret your birth
don't piss me off son, see? I'm the leader to follow
fight with me, we'll all die then there'll be no need for tomorrow
fuck freedom and the terms we describe our world in
Revolution and democracy go like Tonic and Gin
and so does a republic get the money, get the guns
rule with money crush the dust and ride off into the sun.
Fear the one close to you putting their hand in yours
next thing you know, you might find out, that a lot of us are whores
pushed to the right direction we can make a connection
and reserve the sex to be rough like a body insurrection.
sit down little boy and play with your toys,
this is raw life coming quick and you got no f***ing choice.

Growing Old

In distant memories my life was just fine
and my heart beat true and clear thoughts blessed my mind
and now in haze I dream about days
so long ago now I've completely lost my way.

My thoughts dwell in darkness and my brain knows the truth
I've lost all that unerring passion that came with my youth.

It's Complicated

All the things I've never said could fill this novel in my head.
As if the years had tempered me to know much better than to talk-
I give my secrets to those who win them within my heart and in my bed-
and if they err but for the grace of god, I walk.

As if I could believe in things like a spirit and a soul-
my mind is tempered and my heart: cold-
it's how I protect these thoughts I hold.

For everything I've never known, I'm glad I did not mount that throne.
For I've been far too south to see the north-like heaven's mysteries:
I must wander or I must conquer and for what I am I must atone
and if I err, then pray for me: dark, silent tranquility.

Inevitable

Those of us who dwell in darkness seldom see the light-
As darkness is its own reward, we come alive at night.
Apathy, in truth: our crown, not one of us will deny-
giving power to the darkling, the ability to lie.

And in time our strengths will wane,
for born to mortal wombs we are-
but darkness lives and comes again
each time hope breeds a shooting star.

Balance is required for
this world to heal its self-
and every slice of heaven breeds
another piece of hell.

The long surrender

Another night, another miss
but I will have my dirty kiss.
Her mouth hungers and I'm aglow-
I've been ready for a decade,
I'm just waiting for the go.

Cliffhanger's Lament

Is this the climax of my dreams?
What a very, very long road it's been.
I feel as though I need to escape,
the silence is killing me, I can't even hate.

So this is the feeling of nothing left: doom
What's left for ashes? They've already been consumed.
What a strange feeling I didn't know I had
Until it all was over, where's my bottle of Vlad?

Worth it

What wakes in me my violence knows
far off the pike men watch the breach
and I interred in covers and pillows
am fearful to see the raiders on the beach.

'Twas just last year the rogues embarked
and swore they'd take our shores
said I, "you vicious gremlins, hark!
You dare not feel the wrath of old sores."

Well kept they made their promise felt
and still I feel no shame
nor beg for friends or ask for help
for I achieved my aim.

they may fill up our beach with blood
but I remain the righteous one.

Tit for tat

Whenever the best are on their toes-
Good things happen and nobody knows-
what to do or what to say-
it's all the same to me anyway.

I've taken the road less traveled by
and no I have no Alibi-
I have myself and the world's the same
I have no one but me to blame-

for those who speak in silent voices
rise up and take, make better choices.
for nothing comes to you with time
save those who are lucky not genuine.

Though, I'll save that speech for another day
The best have spoken and that's all I have to say.

Freestlin' it.

I decided to enlist to avoid probation/ pro'lly do it anyway just to lose the situation/I got no job, bills to pay and college courses are long/ I am a mental majority and my people run strong.

Come meet the misfits, "bitch tits", "Losers" and "psychos- the narcissistic animalistic new toy from Tyco. Can't blame me just 'cuz I got the golden tongue I climbed the ladder like Jet Li so I could be The One- and only- people see my ranting as a sign that I'm lonely but look around and you can see I'm just a crazy 'round phonies.

I've seen the devil breath; he's in you, he's in me- This is the time for lost souls to finally drown on this lost sea. All the while I kept begging couldn't they just let me be? Living's harder anyway so I think I'll just peace.

I hear the beats deep in me and the echoes I see, I'll fight this bloody fight while shitting and I'll be hitting your piece.

I'd love to chat but I'm being called by my other glamour life, I love you all, feel the love, be the one and goodnight.

A late night drive.

Her silvery serpent swam 'cross the sea-
The echoes shocked the woods,
The signs pointed to the place to be-
and soon we'd both get good.

The wind it howled and followed like pilots
on the belly of our shark that swam the hills
soon at home we'd thread the iris
no use would it be to question our wills.

I held her in my arms that night
just as the ride was over
my blazing queen of luminous light
clear, crystal and much bolder.

The shadows of sight

Where is the light
that illuminates my friends?
In all this darkness
will i see light again?

There's a light that beams
in a familiar face-
but darkens, when alone,
for i cannot see grace.

Deliverance abundance in the ones who i know-
but all else is darkness
like a movie theater with no show.

So i watch the screen
unable to see my neighbor,
believing in his thoughts
though, he does me no favors-

for here am i,
in this pitch auditorium,
we've all indulged in evil but
i feel, the only sorry one-

as i sit in in this darkness
I seek the light bringing herald-
though, this box blinds me
is this cruel and blind world.

Tiffy Love

I'll love you today
I'll love you tomorrow-
I'll love you the way
you love your bitter sorrow.

I'll love you still more
when the last rose petals fall-
I'd love you even if
you weren't lovable at all.

Mostly I'm sure
I love my hon
because bunny's my bunny
and you're the only one.

G-d

Oh how pitiful my fallen child
my winged love and much beguiled
though I've made the world as mine
it's you they worship as divine.

You who's power they can see
I keep my glory in anonymity.
So those who love me love me blind
while others see you as genuine.

It's something in the physical realm
that says seeing is believing
even if it's fictitious creatures of hell.

So it's you my child that most will love
and only few will see these heavenly gates above
Few will know that faith has eyes
till the day they know: the day they die.