It fades

As the visions of eternal suffering rise
I realize that this is not to be my life
watching the crowds and the people who die
makes me feel kind of mild in the immortal eye.

decadent lifestyle is all that I've known
and now that I'm out here on my own
I feel I must build myself up but not alone
because the world will greet me if I build my own home.

Confusion is the name of our adolescence
and in this time working seems ephrevescent
but still I feel almost without my home
life eternal and for now, alone.

Shrinks give me drugs
girls give me hugs
TV gives me love
and god speaks from above

and I listen and I listen
to the detriment of my life
living isn't living
unless you can leave this endless night.

Perhaps I should stop listening
to the things that I'm told
a man is a man is a man
unless he's sold

on the idea that we are all controlled by fate
and societies words make him irate
and dirty deeds are done dirt cheap
so we ignore our fellow man when he weeps.

I am simply a pawn
so I'll get out of the game
awake to a better place
where people aren't all the same.

I think I owe it to myself to decay
unless I stop the world from spinning
and seize this first day.

I O U's are building up
and before I get stuck
I'll try not to give up
the world is not a bad place
and all of us fuck
and all of us need this superficial bull shit
till the day that we die
or simply can't live with it
and become an hero
or live for the day
as life fades away
and life fades away
and life fades awa
and life fades aw
and life fades a
and life fades
and life fade
and life fad
and life fa
and life f
and life
nd life
d life
life.

Late Night Stream of Consciousness

Where but for a soul do these mortal woes lie
that gifted us with proverbial lies
entering chaos in a transparent union
do most of us live and take our last communion.

Ever did I look for the simple way of peace
but found I that I was interred with the beast.
Where does one reach when Satan infects the physical
and doctors look back quizzical.

I dream of perfection and live it in my life
and strived all of it searching for a wife
but as darkness falls I feel myself consumed
what demon has possessed me or fecund my mother's womb?

Where am I, stuck inside this invisible box
and diseased with my own mind a pox
never before have I so much believed the lies
and ever am I ready to die.

The agony in my brain and god cannot be found
I have accepted Jesus please do not put me down
dig me up someone from this possession of love
exercise these demons from heaven above.

Is this my fate John Calvin?
Is this my story?
am I meant to die from woe
before I had the chance for some glory?

It's the stories that I own that are destroying my brain
and my ability to think is destroying my brain
amiable silence from those who need to speak
bring me now Moses to your mountain peek.
Take me to heaven so I shall feel humanity no more
or so I shall meet god and even the score.
forgive oh lord my little tricks on thee
and perhaps I'll forgive thy great big one on me.

anger in silence and I'm cursed to be alone
someone who needs love to keep his worldly throne.
The god of war needs not love for he has something to do.
while intimacy is bread in boredom not far from the truth.

Why do I sit here in contempt of my day
why do I pray and seem to get the answer go away?
I need something else exciting in my life
or forbid myself life when I lose wrong and right.

Where is the road not taken? where is it taken?
I cannot find my path to stardom like Clay Aiken.
I am the demon who lies alone at night
and thinks of the loving in absolute spite.

I cannot even find the remnants of a soul
for I have to work odd hours for the old.
and be it far from me to criticize the lilies
even when the wind at our back breeds boredom
and gives the meek minded the willies.

The fowl of the air can look down and laugh
for they are closer to god where I can't find the path.
There's a specific function for some things in life
but mine evades me so I catch the world in spite.

Imagine the wasteful ocean bringing its devastation on us
in Louisiana I saw the people with wounds that had puss
vagrants stealing in the middle of the night
and military murders went on in plain sight.

Where am I god, I am calling to you now!
Help me out! help me out! help me out
until I'm found.

I need to get out of this tantalizing place
and see a warm face
and see a warm face
I am going insane because of thoughts on the brain
and I can not control the way life seems so plain
because I need a degree to get away from me.
Something special for the world or tempting little girls
looking at me sideways with the eyes of the devil
and fate picks on me the way fate picked on Nevil.

Take me away oh god of today,
you can save the righteous for some other day.
Come into my home where I am alone
and take me at night, to where the buffalo roam.

Make me in silence say more than I did
and make my life perfect or end it with this.