Growing up

A silent cold rushes over my skin
clammy in midsummer-
I feel the tears and all the pain
but wreak to hell of the distant dead.

Where am i now but stranded and alone-
doubted by my heart and viciously re-born by my kin.
I know little about the road ahead
and visions and fear over take my eyes-

so much so i feel farsighted and dead-
like a corpse looking up from its unholy bed.

I know what i want and cannot achieve it
so alone i am because i sever my ties.
Either I'll grow stronger and learn to live on pittens
or i'll be happy i made the attempt
and unobtrusively die.

night thoughts

Like a fire in the rain
doused and doused
but burning all the same.

crawling up the path, though slow,
waiting for your courage to go
waiting for your apathy, your tomb,
for your dreams to pass you as you burn in your room.

I see it vividly like a great white specter
consuming not only bodies but souls like Hannibal Lechter.
Oh god if it's a dream wake up!
I see them come for me made of dark stuff.

And stuff is all it is as it drips
the stench of 3,000 year old evil
brought on by insanity from an unstretchable itch.

Dear God, these visions are too much to bear
my soul stands alone and there's nowhere to hide
this delicate balance of a calming second soul
is gone with the wreck-loose, long lost memory of old

and though I tell myself not to think on undeserving hos
I scream and scream at night because I am alone.