Knowing my mistake

For a moment I see light through the incandescence of a cell phone screen in the dim light of my home
The warmth comes through the speakers like a water buoy flashing on a dark sea.
Time stands still and I sit in purgatory talking through the pain-
Like sitting on a warm subway grate in the freezing rain.

Then you have to go to get something to eat
And it's back to the blind experience in the LSC.
Crawling through a tunnel like one looking for their glasses in a midnight street.
The lamps have not been lit and there's so many demons looking for me.

Ironic I should face demons in this darkness on a Sunday-
The hell is not quite over yet, tomorrow welcomes Monday.
I will have my week to live in silent aberration
Like stepping up a step to find there's still an infinite number of revelations.

To my friend Jess

Every path in life will falter
And 'way leads into way'
Don't spend your time in endless answers
Just question all you say.

For people will find you wise, my friend,
Even if you're the silent idiot
Yet the trick is to be wise regardless
For you're the one who must suffer it-

Or enjoy it because life is a great adventure
Only unwise people love death.
If you can love each day you breath
Relish everything and everyone in it.

These are lessons I learned the hard way; so I thought I'd share with you-
Above all my friend, in everything you do: seek truth.

Bliss

A shadow falls o'er all the earth
And there are some who choose to take it-
But others find sunshine in UV lamps
And these are the ones who make it.

Success is survival and endurance of spirit
It's connecting and meeting someone new: feeling it!
He who broadcasts without listening is doomed
To never experience joy.

Not happiness because happiness is a cat by your side,
It's an exquisite dinner, a movie, a handshake, not stubbing your toe on the nail that you keep forgetting to fix in front of the bathroom so it's in exactly the place where you'd miss it.

Joy
Is altogether different.

Joy is faith. A feeling of je ne sais quoi. The terrifying ride that your son or daughter made you go on that you were dreading because you know you hate it but did it because you
Love them.

Joy is love
Which is hard to obtain.

Love and faith and joy are not free
They don't come from Facebook or an Amazon package.
There's no expressing joy through an emoji.
Joy can not be obtained through cat videos and vines
Vines are the parasites that grow all over the lost city called joy.

Your machete is your vigilance to stay real world connected
Your reward is

Bliss.

Sick

Kasan ga daijobou ka?
Tosan ga daijobou ka?
Tosan wa ii desu ne,
Kasan ga byouki desu.

Igaku wa hoshiidesu ka?
Sore wo hitsuyo to shimasu ka?
Daijoubou ka? Daijobou ka?
Kasan wa daijobou ja nai.

Tsuitachi ga owatta kasan ga
Daijobou, daijobou!
Tosan ga daijobou!
Subete no hitobito daijobou!

War with myself

I've prayed upon the weary hour
And still my mind preys on me
In darkness when even the Lord would sleep
I'm fated to entreat the devil.

He comes as any demonic presence
Clothed in the raiment of lust
And in his kingdom of darkness he reins
To dirty my soul like rust

And clothed in blood I beseech my god
To rid me of sinful thoughts
And all my life's transgressions soil me
I lay me down like dust to dust.

Forgive o Lord my folly and wickedness
that I might yet be free
Stop this burning in my chest
And put out the fires that ignite me.

O God of Abraham and Isaac who begat
And begat and begat and begat
Free me from the tools of that
So I might live to serve in abstention

You've done it a few times but I lack retention
I want to win big and not be an honorable mention.

The savage awakens

The beast in me arises with the moon:
That ravenous, aching, unforgiving tune
That sings within me to be within you-
As I become we and split open you.

And feral hunger drives me in deeper
Like a creeping vine binding us
I consume your soul like the reaper
And eat your lust with foul unrepentant savagery.

Life is given to the living and yet I,
Consume with all viciousness like a dead man in hell
Thrusting and grinding all skin till it's red
Into the innocent, milk white bed-

O the vile and wild full throbbing desecration
Mixed in with such negligent, savage elation
Higher life forms should never so vehemently indulge
And yet as the moon unfolds-
Perhaps the tides-
Perhaps barometric pressure-
Perhaps simple animal nature tucked away in the human psyche
No longer able to be repressed
I collapse in an infinite reverberating mess
With you at my side
And you know the rest.

The dogs of war have fated warriors fight
Those who don't are doomed to repeat this night.

Adulthood

Sometimes the rays of sunshine fade
When the day turns to dusk too early
And those who once had found their way
Wander aimlessly in a seasonally changed place.

Impermanence and cold is winter
And sometimes mute in the evening's glow
Oh how I long for the dead time when-
I walked home under yellow Street lamps in snow.

There were days when a journey had two points
And there was yet somewhere else to go
Yet here I stand waiting, telling jokes to quell the din
And waiting another day to know-

All good fun comes to an end
And even in the mind adventure eventually dies.