Growing up

A silent cold rushes over my skin
clammy in midsummer-
I feel the tears and all the pain
but wreak to hell of the distant dead.

Where am i now but stranded and alone-
doubted by my heart and viciously re-born by my kin.
I know little about the road ahead
and visions and fear over take my eyes-

so much so i feel farsighted and dead-
like a corpse looking up from its unholy bed.

I know what i want and cannot achieve it
so alone i am because i sever my ties.
Either I'll grow stronger and learn to live on pittens
or i'll be happy i made the attempt
and unobtrusively die.

night thoughts

Like a fire in the rain
doused and doused
but burning all the same.

crawling up the path, though slow,
waiting for your courage to go
waiting for your apathy, your tomb,
for your dreams to pass you as you burn in your room.

I see it vividly like a great white specter
consuming not only bodies but souls like Hannibal Lechter.
Oh god if it's a dream wake up!
I see them come for me made of dark stuff.

And stuff is all it is as it drips
the stench of 3,000 year old evil
brought on by insanity from an unstretchable itch.

Dear God, these visions are too much to bear
my soul stands alone and there's nowhere to hide
this delicate balance of a calming second soul
is gone with the wreck-loose, long lost memory of old

and though I tell myself not to think on undeserving hos
I scream and scream at night because I am alone.

Lonely Road

Here I am again at the beginning of the road
Looking to my future with ambitions, unknown.
Drearily the wind blows and pushes me forward still
And yet it brings me nowhere but the bottom of the next hill.

And as I look around I see the hills and grasses green
I look towards the horizon and finally know what it means
I gain so much and yet I feel this emptiness inside
I feel I may have been born incomplete or maybe I died.

What proof do I have that I'm alive?
Except that there's others like me.
What exists that I have yet to grasp
Please end this eternity.

I walk towards danger and yet I have no fear
Because I don't know at all, what i'm doing here.

Lonely Togetherness

If I could build my love for you
I'd fill a gorge with snow.
So no one else would bother us
And no one would ever go
To an igloo that I'd build for us
To discuss the world in our world of snow
And no one else would have to know
That what we had was real
That we were connected through convictions we feel
And no one else would have to know
That we lived and thought freely,
In our focused world of snow.

Twisted fate

This is actually meant to be sang as a blues song in traditional form...


I saw her coming 'round the bend
She seemed like quite a sight
Her calves a strong as ox's
She'd do well in a fight

But she seemed so pretty mellow
I had to have a shot
I took it, went to speak to her,
And she said dude, piss off.

I can't understand why it was you
I can't understand why it was you
I walked into a trap and found my baby loved me too
But I can't understand why it was you.

She smiled just so perfectly
Her teeth a shiny row
Her fingernails were bitten down
And she killed me with those toes.

Our sex was fucking world war one
And still nobody knows
I can't understand why it was you.

I can't understand why it was you
I can't understand why it was you.
You make a feller turn old yeller
I just can't understand how it was you.

She was my baby
Loved her so much
Filled me up with roomy thoughts
And left me in the dust

But I'd tell her if I saw her that it was meant to be
She'd ask me how I know these things and why doesn't she?
I'd tell her darlin' listen and I'll tell you the whole truth:
I can't understand but it was you.

I can't understand why it was you.
I can't understand why it was you.
I lost my other half and didn't know till it was through
I can't understand but it was you.

Envy

I wander off into the night
Myself is all I blame
That living seems a dullish sight
And death seems all the same.

I can not close my eyes and yet
When I do I see my living
Becoming something different
And the subconscious is unforgiving.

If only I could feel my heart
Begin to beat again
Then I would make its rejuvenator
My lover and my friend.

Until then I will rest tonight
And bid you all adieu
For I can only feel your happiness
And hate each and every one of you.

Fucking Crazy

All the hunters are the same
I know their vicious nightmare game-
true sex I sought no more I asked
and drank the poison: again at last.

She wants the villain to take her again
but she has joy and life and pain.
her actions weren't what she said
dear god I want the pain instead.

anything but this empty chest
I pine for meaning and often get less-
even in a loveless fuck I have to be compelled
I'd rather be a praying harpy than live this tasteless hell.

these walls they seem so tight right now
they bear the witness of my sin
and I the great performer bow
I've been judged and karma wins.

such drama in such simple sex
her actions weren't what she said
such things as fucking should not vex
I think I'll take my loneliness instead.