What I Please

Sometimes I hear the music
And feel the violent temptation of reverberant oscillation
as the symptoms increase
and I revel in the disease.

Oh the midnight magic of fantasy
The exorbitant limits to ecstasy
And lastly the feeling of company
While I float on the emptiness of kindred sea.

Lest my thoughts overwhelm me
I chase ghosts in forever's breeze.

An Angel Made Flesh

i've woken from a dream, confused,
by weariness and pain-
for in my dream is heaven and
here i feel so tame.

where lion lays with lamb
and my wings stretch on my back
I once was found and now I'm lost
with sentience I now lack.

What curse of Adam and of Eve
do i now rest my head?
Am I a mortal and cast out?
Have I somehow made this bed?

Dear father, protect me, cleanse this sin
so i may stand at your side again.
Give me now my transcendent grace
so i may shout, "holy holy holy" to see your face.

Am i here to help them, o lord, my god?
am i now a prophet to sing your praise?
yes, I shall send you souls, o lord,
oh i will beat this haze.

They do not know me as Gabriel
they call me mothers child
and all of a sudden i hear Azazel
who reminds me i am wild.

"The wings he tore right off your back
so as a human you could preach
but there's no power as a mortal, son,"
said Satan with his reach.

"I was given free will, demon,
so get thee behind me for I still serve him,
I am here to heal his lost
and die if it pleases them.

I know thee, Satan, and have fought your horde,
for you non-brother fought against his word
but I will not be damned so quick
because without wings i am still your elder, slick.

I dream of heaven, so I'm never far
and hell's where you came from
and hell's where you are
but i will carry his children from you
to win this war and that's the truth.

for I am the messenger and you the slave
I'll last forever as you stand in your grave.

Angelic Lament

At night, sometimes, I feel the missing wings from my back 

and pray to god as, disappointed, he answers at last

"you hated my creation and I see no fitter recourse 

than to make you live as one and feel their pains and their sores."

but despite their human woes, the pain I feel is mine 

for I feel the pain and sin of gracelessness, genuine. 

the abandon and the hurt of having nothing good enough 

stems from knowing, personally, his infinite love.

as mortal all I think of is my death
every day
because life falls short of heaven life displayed.

I've spent an hour in heaven
to live a hundred years on earth, 

what's the secret joy of being human?
for unto me it's more a curse...

"Fuck You!"

One and one will twist the heart
for two's the loneliest game.
especially when two is one and one
and the latter's a twist of flames.

I imagined love as compromise
I saw it as give and take
but she, she saw it as only I
and it filled her with such hate.

Why do I deserve her wrath?
Because I asked her to enjoy
a simple pleasure once in a day
with me, who was supposed to be her boy.

another night of idle threats
another night of "your fault"
when all I wanted was love and understanding
not bitter words in wounds like salt.

It seems too easy to just be nice
but without her way forever, life's a fight.

Purging my mind, SOC

If all I could ever say to you
was all I'd ever say again,
then I would tell you I love you too
to each and every heart-felt friend.

And I would die a martyr's death
if I could have a moment's bliss
for a moment is an eternity in
the mind that remembers every kiss.

At times I fragment and hear these thoughts
Here's to another day of neural diarrhea stock.

Dichotomy

There's a demon in my soul
Don't believe me? See me whole.
For half of me lives within this existence
the rest I suppress in half-hearted resistance.

Telling stories helps keep him behind a shade
and on the paper, my characters enact his rage-
in those evil words they do horrible things
that were he unleashed: that's the exact pain he'd bring.

My demon is not like the average psyche
who point out their viciousness overtly; precisely.
I have no idea what he might come up with next
like grabbing the nearest object and slicing open necks-

or perhaps finding the weakest point on a half innocent human
and exploiting their greatest pain with evil skills he's been grooming
oh the chaos he can cause and with out motivation
his evil wants no prize, he is the uncommon deviation

from the norm that society expects to be off-putting-
my demon is caged like the Titans; keys gone and doors shutting
So were the right situation opened to me for real evil
He waits and he plots; how to hurt all you people.

Inside this good heart is a demon who knows true evil
and he's waiting for opportunity; be glad I block him from you people.

Smelling Your Pillow

As I lay in the quiet of the twilight house

I leaned into your pillow to smell the absent presence
your perfect beauty a silhouette in my mind
I comforted myself that I am loved.

And to you I cannot disconnect myself
from far or from near you're on my mind
in sing-songy love long words I recount
the many ways you help me unwind.

As I drift off into delirium's drowsiness
I can only think of you
my face down in your pillow
and my dreams reflecting times of us too.