Head Poem 1

Falling past forever
dreaming of home
thinking of you
there's an edge that I can no longer conquer
I slip and fall through nothingness
my greatest fear is that I will die alone.

It's the inevitable fate of all people
but I fear it like I never have anything else.
and at the same time, I desire perfection
because what's the use of living if I'm unhappy with who I have to live it with.

at the same time I just want to be tough
I want to go out and be gangster
I want to be looked at as a kingpin
I don't want to come second to anyone
I'm selfish, I'm a bastard and I've been taught to hate myself because I feel that I am not perfect and therefore don't matter.
So I want to go out and kill if I can't die
I want to be the way rap teaches me to be
I'm different and I know it
and I see that I don't belong here.

I want to let people do what they want but I want to be a part of it.
I wish I could just have someone to wake up to every day who would live to make me happy as much as I would reciprocate those same actions.

where is perfection? What is it and if I can have somebody to tell my feelings to who is she? Why can't I just be normal and just forget about all of this? Why is this pain so strong that I don't know how to ignore it? I think that it's a matter of conciousness. I know too much and have found what I want and I'm just trying to get it. I am destroyed and no longer know how to achieve my goals. Death is not an option because it is irrelivant. Life is not an option because I don't belong. So I'm stuck in limbo. I do what I can and fail at happieness. It doesn't exist. I need this day to take up my sword and win. I shall do that today...