Hindsight

My anxiety surprises me: I'm every way but apathy
and I toil as I boil in my blood with secret savagery.
You might wonder what a blunder in my mind might shine like
but at times it's fire but a pyre in endless haunted night.

I envision emerald cities where the people know no cruelty
and what I see is jaded people who demand it like a feast.
If your hungry why don't you eat you can take your pound of flesh from me
just let me light your soul on fire so your heart opens and you see-

That venomous, vindictive viral viciousness vexes the venerable mind
it's better to sweetly sip serenity and sooth oneself from slime
that gets in you young yeoman: yes! you youthful midgets on giants-
Rich with things and wants but poor in inner silence.

Even the smartest person's dumb sometimes to things that aren't smart
there's nothing that can't be fixed but let's get a start-
Because you people who say you love
and value equality and fairness
are in your own way hateful and blind to sharing-

A view that's not yours a laugh that's foreign too-
I hate to say: nothing because I don't hate: I speak the truth.

I'm running out of steam so I will leave you with this:
To truly love the world you must forget yourself 'cause moments like that are bliss.

Summer Sucks

I miss the winter months: so slow-
Their beauty overwhelms the mood-
And fits the sunshine into frost
that coats the land like in a globe.

The heat is stress and fiery light-
Whence in an oven: await the night.
But stars shine brightest amidst the snow
Why summer months delight: I'll never know.

If only winter could be our break
And we'd leave summer to work and toil-
These wretched months like stove-top coils-

Give me simple soundless frost
And freeze those moments so no heaven's lost.

The curse of power

And the seasons, they go round and round
as we find ourselves in the sub-conscious dream world of reality-
the haze mixes with our impaired vision vexed by sleep deprivation
and hard work; trying to make ends meet in ends.

Dead ends like one episode leading into another
in the never ending drama we call Pointless Emancipation-
because are we ever truly free?

I grasp at straws to have the kind of wealth and power
that will allow me to make my own destiny-
To not have to play pretend in the grown up world
where people dress in proverbial winter jackets and full gear
Because they're afraid of being naked in the 110° weather.

They wish to dream while they're awake
and they want me to dream too but I won't do it.
I have my mind and I have youth.

Why should I have to dress in a mask because my optimism terrifies them?
I'll do it though.
It's a shame but I will because this is their world.
The fakers, the liars and the average.
The most wealthy and powerful live some of the most mundane lives-
concentrated on accumulating more
Because man can't get along and share.
Because one has to be better and make more for healing people.
God never asks for money
and if you don't believe in that, neither do mothers to do their job.

I miss the world where we could be accepted for our awkwardness and weirdness
Where we could build things and create things from nothing
where we worked together to make great things because, for no other reason, than we couldn't do it alone.
When we were kids, that is:
We didn't need validation and stipulations and remuneration.
The difference between now and then?
We wear a mask.
We wear a mask because deep inside,
We're all still that little kid:
We just think that change is necessary so we make rules that our child selves would hate.

That's how we know we're better than them:
Because our child selves would call us tools for making those rules.
For those who think we need them,
well don't we have them without complications?
Do not kill, do unto others..., forgive, etc.
Are not those the only rules we need?
Or are we all still too afraid of the child in the mirror?

Prayer for humble love

You are safe within my arms
For all my days I'll keep you from harm
I pledge to you my willful soul
Until the time we both grow old.

I pray thee lord, my soul to keep
next to yours even after we sleep
And all this love I pledge to you
May it keep us humble and give us youth.

May I always be the best for you
And our love eternal ever remain true.

Stream of Consciousness

The way I see things changes so rapidly
We'll never see eye to eye
Unless you see through my frame of mind.
Once you're there you'll have to avoid the fear
Because escape is unlikely
And this friend is always near.

Unless you enjoy the apathy
That comes to hide the demons.
The skeletons walk free from their closet
And the muck and Swamp of thoughts you'll plod
Will become second nature until your pace becomes normal even buried in the mud.

Sometimes I feel the loneliness of friends I met along the way
But because of my awkwardness,
I am able to ignore the fact, gently, that I'm lonely.

I want the world to see my mind
And understand the insanity
Of morphing views constantly
But the confusion of this
Makes it hard to dictate to others
Even for me.

Maybe I complicate myself more than I should.
Maybe I'm simpler than I know
I don't know,
I don't know,
I just don't know.

Perhaps my thoughts
As I thought
Shouldn't have so much time alone.

New York City Zen

There's something so addicting to the sounds on castle high
Above the world below where it's vigor slightly dims.
The noise might fade but the feeling lives
As if feelings here might come to die.

Out in the country the sound is life
Crawling, biting, fecund with silence
But the city makes the quiet such din!
And far away, I hear it: light.

Oh you vicious ear pornography
That cannot be felt or imagined or seen
The sound of the city from way up high
So brilliantly invigorating, it's here I might die

For atop the castle that scrapes the sky
Is it any miracle we wonder why
From day to dawn, far up here I sigh
And revisit my love and watch that distant life.

Outside the bubble and movement below
I relax and listen to the multitude go.

Good things come to those who wait

My verbals are righteous like holocaust suicide

I get where I’m going even though I don’t drive-
time is eternal so why push for your fate?

destiny will come whether you run to it or wait.

And when you’re poor, scared and lonely fate is like rape

The way it comes to you in the unexpected ways you might hate

But there is escape; when you overcome expectations

You can escape destiny causing sensations of elation

And an open path in a real life you might see like the first verse

But keep your eyes up in your mind and I promise it won’t hurt-

You’ve got to

see life as a whole,

where instances don’t follow

the path of past, present, future

all days your filled or one: you’re hollow.

I used to count the days but as way leads onto way
I now count the years and thus dwindle my fears

You can see life as a moment or you can see it as all moments

And know that pain without pleasure and pleasure without pain

takes years.