i vs. i

Sometimes at night when the demons start to gather
I look back at my life and they cover me with their lather
Like the soap of no hope; grungy with its purifying suds
An ooze of cruelty like the thick of black forest mud.
What's worse: it's me! This guilt I cannot placate
These cycling thoughts like dragons circling
the best I can do is to satiate.
What a little man who dwells in my soul
Who summons these visions: bold but cold
To surround him, protected, from sweet release
Of peace of mind, though I'd settle for peace!
Oh little man, "what do you fear?" That holds so strong to all your tears?
Inside of me you have my face allied with demons of petulant haste-
Preventing real progress and freedom and wealth
Could joy be foreign soil and your own private hell?
I've lived entombed in your favorite nightmare
Of familiarity unforgiving while realizing it's not living!
I see you and I know who you are
You're so deep within me I almost weep to give up this far
But I must gain control and end you: soul scar!
My past, my future but never present
You lame excuse for a wreck loose you bore!
You shit piece of garbage; I hate you, you whore!
As I stare in the mirror and hurt for these insults
You are my invincible truth.
Oh! If I could only kill you, what joy for me!
To not stare into your eyes and see my blunders.
To have strength to not fear and overcome the subconscious.
You're my greatest enemy to avoid me because you are me.
You've made my choices and I thought they were right
Until I saw like this at night and you smiled in the mirror as you knew you had the day
When actions should be made and I don't know that I'm afraid
Until it's too late and it's night when this vicious cycle ignites!
So we follow through day to night and end up at now
I would love to defeat you!
Dear god! Tell me how
Adam had a serpent and David his Goliath
But internal insurrection begets a different type of riot
What of my own mind beating me many times
As I end up time and time again with this poison in this whine
I need my plan and instruction for execution for evolution
You, my friend will die in this winning substitution
You are my will and driving force of hate
Focused in this dream of escape
I will take you down the only way I know how
Success will kill you.
Control! I need it and you have it but I can grab it lest I see you forever.

Goodbye my vagabond soul
Soon I'm going to murder you.

Fever dreams

At the edges of my visage the flames burn its rims
And in elation or deciet the heat burns from within
So that each dream is set in summer or a heated situation
My head throbs and my mind roars in my past's reparations.

There's friends who have no interest in me
And death from everywhere-
Being left alone and abandoned
And apathy abundant

My god! This is redundant but
This heat I find is new
In a fever dream, the world it seems,
Sears hot with the first truth.

surroundings

At times the ferver of passion sings
Like a nail gun to the brain-
The ocean of torment around your feet
As the tide comes in like a pirate's captive.

You know you'll drown but your hands are tied
You know your found but you're imminent demise
The plot never thickens yet there's a foamy froth
About the situation you're in like one tempest tossed.

I'm vehement towards a bright future desired
But I live amongst the fire
Those who I surround myself with
Are comfortable in their myers.

I could live a future bright
If only I sat with the day not the night
And if only I had had the sight
To know the people who fight the fight.

So here I am lost but it's not the end
Conclusion? I need some bright new friends.

The Vacant Listening

In moments when the artists gather
I melt into a stream
Shining brightly with each lyric spoken
Red-orange, yellow and green

Blue, indigo and violet
like a rainbow spectrum of thought
I leave the plain of consciousness
Like a rag doll-
But I like it a lot!

This zone where those around me move
and sway as if their bodies are taken
But as the flow moves with the beat of this orating soul-
I'm gone like a dreamer before he awakens.

I wonder in my absence,
If others object to my vacant form
No movement in my limbs
And my eyes might even gloss over like scorn

But to my lovely friends who flow
Fear not for I feel you deeper
On my rainbow plasma stream I become one
With the words that intoxicate like ether.

What I Please

Sometimes I hear the music
And feel the violent temptation of reverberant oscillation
as the symptoms increase
and I revel in the disease.

Oh the midnight magic of fantasy
The exorbitant limits to ecstasy
And lastly the feeling of company
While I float on the emptiness of kindred sea.

Lest my thoughts overwhelm me
I chase ghosts in forever's breeze.

An Angel Made Flesh

i've woken from a dream, confused,
by weariness and pain-
for in my dream is heaven and
here i feel so tame.

where lion lays with lamb
and my wings stretch on my back
I once was found and now I'm lost
with sentience I now lack.

What curse of Adam and of Eve
do i now rest my head?
Am I a mortal and cast out?
Have I somehow made this bed?

Dear father, protect me, cleanse this sin
so i may stand at your side again.
Give me now my transcendent grace
so i may shout, "holy holy holy" to see your face.

Am i here to help them, o lord, my god?
am i now a prophet to sing your praise?
yes, I shall send you souls, o lord,
oh i will beat this haze.

They do not know me as Gabriel
they call me mothers child
and all of a sudden i hear Azazel
who reminds me i am wild.

"The wings he tore right off your back
so as a human you could preach
but there's no power as a mortal, son,"
said Satan with his reach.

"I was given free will, demon,
so get thee behind me for I still serve him,
I am here to heal his lost
and die if it pleases them.

I know thee, Satan, and have fought your horde,
for you non-brother fought against his word
but I will not be damned so quick
because without wings i am still your elder, slick.

I dream of heaven, so I'm never far
and hell's where you came from
and hell's where you are
but i will carry his children from you
to win this war and that's the truth.

for I am the messenger and you the slave
I'll last forever as you stand in your grave.

Angelic Lament

At night, sometimes, I feel the missing wings from my back 

and pray to god as, disappointed, he answers at last

"you hated my creation and I see no fitter recourse 

than to make you live as one and feel their pains and their sores."

but despite their human woes, the pain I feel is mine 

for I feel the pain and sin of gracelessness, genuine. 

the abandon and the hurt of having nothing good enough 

stems from knowing, personally, his infinite love.

as mortal all I think of is my death
every day
because life falls short of heaven life displayed.

I've spent an hour in heaven
to live a hundred years on earth, 

what's the secret joy of being human?
for unto me it's more a curse...